I know that you won't be reading this blog post, but still I'll dedicate it to you, to whom who I feel special and I love.
I couldn't recite any formal words to write, but hopefully you wouldn't mind.
It's been a roller coaster ride for you and myself in these past few years. I've always been a naughty stubborn kid. Sometimes you've asked me for help and I would always be late and wouldn't give a 100% about it.
But if I only knew that you were going to leave us so soon, the only person that I could blame is for myself for being such as an asshole. A prick.
During the days when I was still a kid, I remembered how you used to bring me to sleep together with you and buy me ice cream after that. I'd run away once you were asleep and came back when you're awake and brag about the ice cream you wanted to buy for me.
You were a very hardworking person- even when you're sick you still do your work and get in done in time. I admire that. You never gave up and how I've always wished that I had that attitude of yours when I feel like giving up.
But I guess the most cruel thing that I've done to you was during Raya last year, when you scold me about not turning up to you and ask for forgiveness during the first hours of Raya. It wouldn't be cruel if you're still here with us for Raya this year, but it just wasn't meant to be.
During Raya too, you were the one who always gave the most amount of money to me and I'm sorry that i've always spent it for the wrong reasons- pokemon cards, camera accessories and games.
You always wanted to raise a child and you didn't waste anytime by adopting Ain. We were against it at first but one thing we realized about you when you were raising Ain was, you were happy.
You bought a lot of stuff for Ain. You bought toys- cars, mini guitars, mini laptops, legos and you've always bought what Ain wanted; ice creams, chocolates and sweets. Although Ain's teeth became quite worse after you've fed her with all those cravings of her, but you didn't care. As long as Ain's happy, you're happy.
I'm not sure myself what Ain's feeling is right now, but I'm sure she'll ask,
"Pahal mata mama sik boleh bukak..?"
"Ne mama ne? Pahal mama sikda..Ain mok jumpa mama.."
I couldn't think about that too much, or else i'm going to weep myself on my bed later on. Ain was special to you. I knew she was. She was your everything. She was your heart, and soul.
During her birthday I could see the smile of your face was all big and smiley and that was 3 months ago. That was the last time when I see you genuinely smile infront of everyone and being happy.
I regret that that during the mid semester break I didn't spent any time with you at all. The only last spoken words you've told me on my last day of holiday break when I've met you was-
"Study Hard. Don't let your parents down"
Those words really struck me in my heart now. If only I could turn back time and spent more time with you in the hospital, give you a hug and a kiss and let you know that I love you, dear aunt.
But, it's too late now. I won't be listening any more words from you. And I said-
"Stay in faith. Pray as much as you could"
Which was on the last day I've met you.
And you've left us with all those memories..
May your soul rest in peace and be among the souls of the faithful ones.
Your Little Niece,